10 Reasons to Stay in New York
The Law Of Diminishing Returns in Economics dictates that the more you acquire a certain good, the less satisfaction you get. In Filipino, it's called PAGSASAWA. Corollary to this law is the need for variety. Maybe that's why some people can't stay faithful (although that's barely an excuse to me). Maybe that's why Crayola made so many colors to choose from. Maybe that's why no man is an island...because at one point or another, a person's bound to get fed up, even with him/herself.
I wonder though...are there exceptions to the rule? If there were, I think my love for New York is one of them. I spent a whole afternoon in Manhattan two days ago, and I thought that these are the things that make me fall for New York over and over again, the longer I stay in it:
1. Convenient Public Transpo - you can get anywhere so easily with the subway and bus lines. Sure, it's a little scary when you travel alone, especially since somebody can just randomly go up to you and ask you for money, but it's worth the ride. Yesterday, I was listening to my iPod, tapping my feet when I noticed that four other people were tapping their feet with me, even if we were all listening to different music. It's moments such as this one that make me feel like I may be alone in this city, but somehow, somebody's keeping me company. I am most comfortable by myself when I'm in New York.
2. Limitless Possibilities - I got off the subway at Rockefeller Center and Habitat for Humanity was there. On a whim, I decided that I could volunteer since I'm not doing anything. That's the thing about this place...you can run into endless opporunities. Erika got to be part of the live audience of a TV Debate Show on CBS, there's always news of celebrity sightings, I was offered free coffee by a barista in Starbucks, and there are free shows, film festivals, Broadway plays everywhere. You can't get bored in a place like that, even if you were on a low budget like me.
3. Sights - Times Square is always breathtaking, and my latest treat was seeing the Brooklyn Bridge from an elevated subway (the D train) in the afternoon. I didn't even know that that subway line existed last time I was here. There's always new sights to discover.
4. Christmas - walking down 48th Street, Eric and I saw men putting up Christmas lights. I was delighted to find out that Autumn is indeed here, and that I could possibly be in this city to celebrate the holidays. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Besides, who wouldn't want to be in a city that never sleeps during that time of the year when most people feel most alone?
5. Weather - at least now that summer's gone, it's not too cold yet and it's not too hot. I can just imagine what it'll be like when snow comes! Sure, it'll be too cold, but then again, I can use that as an excuse to layer and mix&match my outfits!
6. Food - most restos are too expensive to eat in, but if you look hard enough, there are some with reasonable prices. You can get a large slice of pizza for a dollar and fifty, and have a completely satisfied stomach afterwards. My personal favorite is the sausage pizza :)
7. People from EVERYWHERE - last April, I saw a man in
briefs only standing at the center of Times Square with a guitar, singing while it was raining. Two days ago, I saw a man walking down Times Square in a costume. Were these people actors from Broadway? Were they doing it for kicks? I don't know, but they sure made my days interesting! Here, there are people from different races, different colors, accents, styles and attitudes. You won't feel left out because it's as if everyone who doensn't fit in was put in this place to belong.
8. The Parks - they're free, they're full of grass, trees, benches, flowers, and you can practically live in them...and I'm not just talking about Central Park. There are many others. You can stay all day without anyone bothering you. Sometimes, there are free concerts. When you're lucky, you'll even meet a cute stranger.
9. Space to Move - I can walk 20 blocks without complaining because the scenery is always interesting. I can get lost and I wouldn't mind because the streets are mostly arranged by number, so you can always get your bearings. The only thing that limits my long walks is time. Once you've realized that you have to be somewhere and you can't afford to be late, check the next corner. Chances are, there's a subway station that'll take you where you need to go.
10. Black is always IN - I don't feel like a goth here because everyone wears black for all seasons. It's never out of style, it's never too depressing, and it looks natural on everyone. It's a classic, and this is the city that proclaimed it a classic.
I can't get saturated by a place like this. Having said all those things, why don't you come and visit? :)
tear quota theory
I woke up this morning to the sound of a kid crying. Alec...that's his name. He was wailing, looking for his Dad, who left the house for just a few minutes to bring Alec's sibling to her school next door. The evil in me actually decided to wait a few minutes before attending to him. I thought he had to learn how to wake up in the morning and not find his parents in bed with him because if he didn't, he'd be such a Mommy's/Daddy's boy. I actually thought I was doing him a favor.
He didn't stop, though. He kept screaming, "Daddy, where are you?" and I just had to get up, get out of my room to look for him, and console him. In less than a minute, his Dad arrived, and he instantly stopped crying.
It's different for kids, I know, but I can't help but wonder if he was just being a brat or if he seriously has separation anxiety.
I was able to come up with a theory because of this experience. I think it's possible that people have a certain quota to reach when it comes to tears. In that case, I fear for Alec. I think it's highly possible that he'll repress his pain in the future and end up forcing himself to stop crying because he's crying so much now.
How'd I get to this theory? Simple.
When I was a child, I didn't cry too much. My parents said they'd just give me a milk bottle and I'd be fine. Now, I cry at the simplest things.
Kiko, on the other hand, cried and cried when he was a child. In his early childhood, he'd be stuck at home to do his homework while his cousins and neighbors would go out and play without him. He'd cry because of that. Now, I have to say, I haven't seen him shed a tear since I met him.
I know many others who have the same pattern...cried a lot in childhood, now, can't cry OR didn't cry in childhood and is now a crybaby.
Thus, the TEAR QUOTA THEORY was born.
If there is some truth to this, then I wish I'd just cried like a baby WHEN I was a baby. Sigh. Regrets.
k = constant
I learned in High School that a constant number that is added into an equation (be it in math, physics or chemistry, etc.) is usually represented by the letter K.
I've gone through many things in my life, but I think there are always two things that are constant:
mae's life = k (individual accomplishments)
where k = (the current man in her life) (the man's willingness to be
the one or to commit)
I have surpassed my greatest fear. It used to be giving birth. Now, I have to admit, my greatest fear is never finding someone who will ever want to commit to me...EVER...as a husband.
I think all the love I have in me will go to waste. If that's the case, then what's the use of trying?
confessions
There are some things I don't want to admit about myself, but I think I have to:
1. I am not good with kids. I get frustrated so easily when they do exactly what I tell them not to do, and when they have tantrums. I fear that I'm going to be a terrible mother.
2. I hate politics. Yesterday I watched Lord of War (Nicholas Cage, Jared Leto and Ethan Hawke) and one of my greatest fears was confirmed: THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ANY EXISTING GOVERNMENT.
3. I resent some people for acting like they'll miss me a lot when in fact, they don't keep in touch.
4. I honestly believe that there is nothing left for me in the Philippines, and I want to escape to New York to find my new life here.
5. I am unreasonably hot-headed when I'm hungry and when I'm going to get my period. Some people say it's a lame excuse. I hate people who say that because it's the truth for me.
fix you by coldplay
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you
You're high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth
I have a few things to add:
When you cry out loud but you're not heard
When you dream all you want but you come out absurd
When the secret's s painful but you can't say a word
Do you take it all alone?
When there's nothing to give except your tears
When everything around confirms your fears
When the God you believe in disappears
Just when you needed Him
A better version of Ironic, in my opinion. The countless paradoxical experiences that we will encounter gives life its flavor. The question is, what if you like things bland?
long distance love
I've waited so long to be with you again. Every time I'm with you, I feel like each second is borrowed time...that I will be saying goodbye and missing you again soon. Nevertheless, I return to you, over and over again. It's an addiction I have. There's no detox for it.
I am most alive when I am with you. I feel unbreakable...invincible...like I can do anything and my senses would take it in and savor the memory for a lifetime. In your presence, I turn in every corner to find what it means to be alive. I discover that I am not alone in the world. I realize that there is such a thing as having company when you're alone.
I've waited so long to see you, and now, that day has come. I'm returning to you, Manhattan. I'm ready for you to breathe life into me again.
badmouth
I have utmost respect for people with authority. Hell, I even have respect for people who are NOBODYs in society...those who do the dirty work. BUT the moment they do something to abuse that respect, they have a lot of redeeming to do.
Despite her popular strong-willed and scathing reputation, I respected this woman for her talent and skill in teaching. I learned a lot from her. I even admired her for her passion for the subject matter. Everything she fed me, even if it degraded me at first, I took in and charged to experience. I wouldn't be the teacher I am now if it weren't for her.
She once told me that I was NEVER to badmouth another teacher, even if it was already a well-known fact that another teacher had committed a mistake. She taught me this valuable lesson of professionalism when I made the mistake of telling some students about my breakup with a co-teacher. I never did it again because she made me realize that it was simply LOW to do such a thing.
This is precisely why I'm unbelievably enraged by what I just found out. This woman that I have so much respect for told my former students that this year, they weren't going to get the same high grades I gave them last year, as if to imply that she was a harder teacher and therefore BETTER THAN ME. Why did she have to do that? Why did she have to compare herself to me? She's won the hearts of all the nuns, parents and
old girls (Assumption alumna), hasn't she? So why must she belittle me in front of my girls? The ones who USED to love me for being their teacher last year?
There's no beating how LOW that is. I only hope karma will have an interesting way of getting back at her this time.
airport annoyance
I never realized that I had anti-social tendencies. While I was waiting to be checked-in for my flight (it was the longest wait because my flight was canceled due to bad weather), I discovered just how much I hate it when people just ASSUME that they can befriend you just because you're traveling alone. Why would they think that? Is it not possible that I just want to be left alone?
Perhaps this annoyance came from the specifics of the incident. There was a lady in front of me who was trying soooo hard to speak in english but she just ended up confusing me more. She asked me if she could use my phone. THE NERVE! And then, she started to small-talk me about where I was going and why I was going there. I think she even thought I was a Japayuki because our first destination was Japan. How do I know? Well, she asked me in a very
SUBTLE manner, "Magkano ang show money dun?" Fuck that. I know I'm not beautiful, but why assume that I dance/sell my body for money????
the art of dissecting a phonebook
I had to change numbers because it's a lot cheaper to bring a prepaid SIM to the US for receiving messages. Yesterday, I informed the people in my phonebook about my new number, and I discovered several things:
1. My phonebook is almost at memory capacity, but I wasn't interested in informing around half of the people there about my new number.
2. Categorizing the people in your phonebook is a painstaking process. They could fall under the following:
a. family - no explanation needed here
b. long-time friend - also known as the "true friends"...the ones who are always there no matter what
c. close friend - secondary to long-time friends, they are the ones who are not there all the time, but are there in the most important moments
d. acquaintance - friends met through friends who have mastered the language of small-talk
e. necessary connection - i. e. work people, business numbers, and of course, food delivery hotlines!
f. idle friend - a friend you used to have a connection with (used to fall under category B or C), but has simply gone AWOL in your life
3. It's obvious what you do to the contacts in your phone book who fall under category A, B, C and E when you change your number. What about contacts under D and F? Thus begins the complicated analysis of whether that person deserves to know your new number, or if you'd be wasting one peso by giving possibly irrelevant information.
4. After sending your new number to over a hundred people, you expect to at least get several responses. It's like posting something on your blog and eagerly wanting to go online again to see who has read your new post and who has something to say about it. The sad realization is, apparently, you won't even get half of that number to react to your message.
5. There's a certain meaning to how people react to the new number that you give. Family, long-time and close friends aren't expected to text back anymore because these are probably the people you gave your new number to face to face. It's as if they've earned the right not to text back anymore when they got your new number. The acquaintances and idle friends, however, are in a make or break situation because acknowledging receipt of the new number reaffirms that they still want to keep in touch with you. If they don't text back, then it's probably a peso wasted.
I've had several send-off get-togethers for the past two weeks, and at one point, Kiko told me that I had so many friends. I took pride in that comment, but I have to admit that being with all these people in such a short time span made me think about who my true friends were.
There are people I hang out with for amusement. There are those I stick to because of history. There are people I don't realy get along with, but are in the same circle as I am, so I'm forced to have small-talk with them.
And then there are those I can have heart-to-heart conversations with. It doesn't matter if we're together every day in a week, or twice in a year only. They're the ones you just can't get enough of because you can be your true self with them...no feigning attention or interest, no judgments, no best foot forward. These are the ones I call TRUE FRIENDS.
It took Pao and Bonnie to make me realize that. I'm going to miss a lot about this country, but I'm going to miss the two of you most.
