hello, familiar friend
Looking at the title of this blog, I can't help but admit that this is the story of my life.Case in point: right now, I am the happiest I have ever been, and perhaps, the happiest I'll ever be. Yet, there is this nagging thought that this is ephemeral, not because I think something will happen out of nowhere that will rob me of this happiness. (Although I am not saying that a life-chainging event is impossible, I am recognizing that it is improbable). It is more of an awareness, or perhaps a tendency, for my heart to feel more pain than joy.
I could be extremely satisfied with my current state, and then all of a sudden see a movie or a TV ad that tugs at my heart, and it'll send me down a road of depression for a couple of hours. I could be laughing one second, and then the next feeling like bawling just because I heard that somewhere in the world, hate still exists.
I know what you're probably thinking: BIPOLAR, HELLO! It can't get any more textbook than this!
There's a certain part of me, though, that thinks it's the familiarity of the pain that makes me this way. It is almost as if pain is a long lost friend that, when found even just hinting at a comeback, takes over my entirety.
The depression never lasts very long, but it does recur more often than I think it should. This disturbs me because it makes me wonder if people are, in fact, "built" either naturally happy or sad.
